Some Good Advice for Married Couples
There is a saying that familiarity breeds contempt and this is true with many marriages today that because of familiarity, their relationship has become strained. Married couples have to be careful that this familiarity will not become a fuel for the breakdown of their marriage. Sometimes we assume too much from the actions of our spouses and we overreact to them instead of using your ability to listen to what the other has to say. If you want your marriage to work, do not be so quick to judge your spouse’s mere actions, but cultivate a certain level of receptiveness before you react or respond to what you perceive. It is only a product of your own creation that you perceive certain innuendos in your partner and this has been a results of a seeming concurrent pattern that you have made up yourself. Although there is really non-verbal communication that represents certain cue, you should bear in mind that real communication is better and is highly dynamic and can change constantly since it adjusts to the changing needs of the other person. Merely relying on non-verbal cues is damaging to a marriage so instead you should replace it with good communication.
When we lose that connection and the bad habit of reacting to cues becomes dominant – patience, kindness, gentleness and our intuitive intelligence fly out, and we become like uncivilized partners who relentlessly respond to mere clues.
We need to learn how to let go of our reactive self and re-connect ourselves to our cognitive capabilities so that with mindfulness on our side, we can gradually resist that powerful emotion that tends to shut our rational consciousness.
Our entitlement mindset is another thing that can destroy the marriage. If you have this attitude, believing that you deserve something from your spouse or have a legal right over what you want from your spouse, then this becomes an issues of relational conflict. It is not wrong to want something from your spouse, but demanding it as if it is your legal right is another thing. Instead of making demands, lessen your expectations and increase your appreciation of your partner, intentionally thinking of the many good things that your spouse is doing for your and your family. If both are willing to do this, then each day you can find something good that can help cover up for the things that you want to change in your spouse.
Although willing to give their marriages another chance, some couples are just unable to do it themselves and would need help from a third party. Couples who want to give their relationship another chance should seek the help of a marriage counselor and therapist in order to help them with their goals of improving their relationship.